“There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like the days before Hodgkin’s,” I keep telling myself. I look down at my feet and instead of ruby slippers, I see my rainbow fuzzy ones, and every time I stand on my tippy toes to tap my ankles together, I end up losing my balance. My family keeps telling me that they can see the finish line, but maybe I need a pair of glasses. I feel like a fish in a fishbowl, looking out on everyone’s happy lives, while being stuck in a claustrophobic glass container, separated from all my friends. At least goldfish get pretty decorations like colorful rocks and fake castles. Lucky for me, I get appealing IV tubes. I just got back from the hospital yesterday. Getting through the week is pretty tough without seeing my friends. They are always so busy with their own schoolwork and extracurricular activities. The only time I really get to see them is on the weekends. Sure, they warned me about the nausea and the hair loss, but no one ever mentioned the loneliness.
Anyway, upon describing the “fishbowl” syndrome to a friend, I got a lovely surprise in the mail that certainly brightened my spirits:
Yay for my own pretty decorations! Thanks, Dr. Dave!!!
I’m having a great deal of difficulty concentrating on my schoolwork and remembering common words and/or simple facts. It’s like a mental cloudiness that just will not seem to go away. Apparently it is a real side affect of chemo that isn’t terribly uncommon. It affects approximately 20-30 percent of patients undergoing chemo. Some sources say that some people experience it for up to four years. Oh, Goody!
Anyway, that’s really all that’s being going on with me-- ‘Till next time!
Love the fish lips! While it may feel as though the finish line is distant, the truth is that you move closer to it each day. Keep the faith, Gabi. You'll soon be out of the fishbowl and in the position of looking back at all of this and marveling at your resilience.
ReplyDeleteGabi!!! So good to hear from you!! You ARE moving closer to the finish line! And look at all of your cheerleaders on the sidelines. Hang in there!! I know I'm not alone in saying it's always great to read your latest post. And if you ever get stuck for a word, just type "insert fuzzy word/fact here" and we'll get it!! We'll help you fill in the blanks.
ReplyDeletehello my little goldfish,you describe that with such accuracy...and YES..chemo brain does exist even till this day 2yrs later l still don't call my children or nieces and nephews by their right names,sometimes its just"that little boy" or "the girl" it just won't come to me..l admire that you can study and still type..what about the reading??? l just could not read a sentence over and over l tried,l used to love crosswords..not anymore and my eyesight deteriated and need glasses now..l actually look very sophisticated...oh.they are purple glasses to match my purple hair....yay l did it looks cool if l may say so myself.love your latest blog. you are spot on..
ReplyDeletei love you :) keep being strong! & amazing!!
ReplyDeletelove,
a fellow IMSA student
Hi Gabi,
ReplyDeleteI got to your blog through the link in facebook. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin in Oct and will have my third Chemo tomolo. Good luck with your study and hope you get well soon :-)
Cheers,
Tommy